Thursday, April 9, 2009

My Book

my memoir... my life.

I am not really sure if I want to start posting pieces of my book here on my blog. It has been a long road for me but if it could help parent's understand their kids a little better or mental illness than I guess it is worth it.

I havn't written in it for a while. I have put it on hold while I start up my little craft business. Since I am on disability I try to keep myself busy with my crafts and business since it is really one of my only income sources (and not a sucessful one...yet). I have been spending almost every waking moment trying to market myself and put myself out there to see. My name is Rachel, but you know me by Mother Goose and Gear.

I guess I will start posting tid-bits and see what kind of response I get. Thank you to my followers. The 7 of you are super awesome. Maybe if I start posting some of my story it will inspire me to keep writing until I have written about my life thus far which is a long way from where I was a year ago when I stopped writing.

Here it goes...

Survive Together or Die Alone
A Memoir by Rachel Goldmark

This is a memoir of a woman named Rachel Goldmark; her life as she remembers. Her story is about coping with a variety of mental and physical illnesses. She tells about home life, drug addiction, coping with life, mental institutions, recovery and life outside of mental institutions while continuing to deal with mental illness in her daily life. Included in her story are clips from her journals, poetry, and art when she was in treatment and in mental institutions. She still deals with mental illness; it is a life long process to cope. With the help of doctors and medication and continual self-observation she is currently successful in life.

Introductions aren’t always boring, this one is actually pretty entertaining”

I was standing inside a hollow tree with its roots firmly planted into the ground. The tree started shaking and the roots were unleashing themselves from the firm ground and it started lifting me into the sky. It was like a magical elevator that could take above the clouds into nothingness. We traveled back down to the clouds and I stepped out of the tree onto a pink puffy cloud and rays of sunlight seemed to shine through the clouds to the busy world beneath us. I sat there for awhile and then all of a sudden the cloud turn grey and I fell dramatically into the busy streets of New York City. Cars were whizzing passed me and I had no control I was frozen, I couldn’t move. The was loud honking noises coming from the cars. I let out a rumbling scream and then all of a sudden I was curled up in the fetal position inside my mothers womb. I hadn’t been born yet. I was just taking in the nutrition from my mother to grow. I didn’t want to leave this warm, safe place because somehow I knew how terrifying those busy streets were, but nothing is ever been normal in my life. Nothing is as planned. I came out of my mother’s womb a month early. The interesting part now is that I can return to my mothers safe, warm womb when ever I get panicked. How do you ask? Well, It a long story and you are about to read it.

All rights to this post can not be copied
Rights belong to Rachel Goldmark 2009


  1. I think writing your memoir or about your past, even if it doesn't turn into a memoir, is an important brave thing. It's your past, it's essential to who you are. Someone else who has written his own memoir about growing up mentally ill -- his struggles with it and his struggles to come to terms with it -- is Carlton Davis who wrote "bipolar bare." What a powerful book. He doesn't pull punches -- the sex, the drugs, it's all in there. It's riveting and revealing.

    Good luck. It seems trite to say,but as the sibling of someone who has struggled with mental illness for 25 years, I must.

  2. Thank you Liz. Your words of encouragement mean a lot.